It’s funny how the universe works, right? I talk and write a lot about the power of intention and how our thoughts really do help fuel our outcome each day. I love to discuss the importance of our intentions in relation to where our thoughts go, energy flows. And, how our mindset can certainly change the trajectory of our day or situation. It’s even in those moments…those silent moments where our thoughts meander so often that we find ourselves thinking about all sorts of things and sometimes not even related to our current situation or path. Or is it all related? I think it actually may be. Wait, I know it is! And for me, right now in this moment it’s rooted in Love.
Love: The Centripetal Force.
Love is the connection and the direct path. It’s the pull from and back towards the soul. Yes, it’s LOVE. Although life may sometimes seem to be spinning out of control and we may feel that the chaos is seemingly taking over, we must Stop. Zoom Out and Refocus. We must see that when we tap into true and utter love, it will ground us. It will refuel us. Whether it’s our love for ourselves, partner, child, or fur baby, if we redirect our thoughts away from our head and into our hearts, we can refocus and tap into what’s important. It’s extremely unique and powerful. Much like a centripetal force and (beyond me) mathematical calculations that are connected to specific numbers and formulas to determine the force and velocity. For me, it comes down to just one set of simple numbers during this time of chaos. It’s the powerful force of love and….
I’m going through such a range of emotions these days. Amongst some amazing and exciting updates for my life fulfillment brand- Change It Up, I’m also in the final phases of planning my wedding. Yes, my first wedding…at the age of 42 to the love of my life. The love I have waited for my entire life. The love that has taught me the true meaning of, well…LOVE. The significance of vulnerability, what it means to trust and how to navigate hardships together. The kind of love that challenges me, inspires me and motivates me to be the best version of myself every day. I’m beyond grateful for this relationship and to be walking down that aisle on October 22nd, 2017. Ah, October 22nd…10/22. This date is forever tethered to my heart. It’s such a mix of emotions for me. You see, this would have been my mom, Suzanne’s 64th birthday. I lost my beautiful mother back in 2002 to cancer and her birthday has since been such a symbol of love for me. So, we are fortunate enough that this date happens to fall on a Sunday this year and we jumped at the opportunity to merge our worlds as one on ten-twenty-two. Where love will surround us here and from beyond.
So, let me get back to the mixed emotions for a moment. Although this is one of the most exhilarating times in my life, this is also the hardest. I have been feeling love in all forms over the past few weeks. It’s been oozing out of me and back into me. It’s a type of love that I’m actually having a hard time articulating or putting into words on this page. It’s a heartbreaking love. It’s a raw love. It’s a sensational love. The love I have for my partner does not waiver. This other love I’m referring to is coming from above and within all at the same time. It’s connected to my inner self and therefore pushed out to my partner and those around me at all times. It’s overwhelming, but also comforting and provides a sense of home, yet unknown all at the same time. How many of you can relate to this? My emotions are all over the place and I’ve realized that it’s- OK. Well, it’s more than OK, it’s actually- PERFECT. LOVE IS PERFECT. No one or thing is perfect, but love and light is when it’s pure and from good intention.
Release and Let Love Flow.
It’s as though a floodgate has been opened. Or essentially, an open gate has been revealed. I always thought I was open to love and was giving it with no hesitation to those I trust and want to pour that energy out to. But, it’s in this very moment that I have come to this awakening, really- that the love (this special love) has always been there. Yet, I was never vulnerable enough or fearless enough until now to see it. Experience It. Or Share It. When it came to matters of the heart, I was always too afraid of things ending, so I never actually gave it a chance….until now!
Dropping Hints of Existence: Symbols of Love.
For those of you who know me well, this is no shock that I have been seeing signs…signs of 10/22 and anything related to my mom everywhere. This is not new. And for those of you just getting to know me, you will soon see that these signs are actually a huge life-line for me here on this earth. This is an enormous part of my existence here without her. Well, to add to the already numerical (I see, 22 & 222 everywhere!) spiritual nods from my mom, I am now seeing hearts…hearts everywhere! You often hear this when loved ones are trying to communicate from the other side. Not only are songs with the most prolific love lyrics popping on my headphones, but tiny hearts are appearing as shapes in food, nature and the most random symbols like the stye in my eye. Yes- the little bump that appeared ironically from some tears I shed last week thinking of her not physically being here for my big day. I have a very sensitive eye I guess that is prone to styes, but the fact that this formed in the shape of a heart was no coincidence for me. Just like my mom’s personality here on this earth, she was a no BS, no-holds-barred type of woman. I can hear her voice saying- ‘knock it off!- CHANGE YOUR MINDSET right now, honey!’ This was a painful (literal) way of her coming through. So much for the subtle hint of a butterfly or ladybug gently gliding by or the continued 222 billboards on my path. But nevertheless, it turned into a gentle pat with love in the shape of a heart. A little reminder that she’s in fact with me. Wow, that snapped me out of that short-lived pity party for myself-Ouch! Message received loud and clear Mom- got it and moving on…
Stay Positive and Carry On.
So yes, I’ve been so fulfilled – and at times as I’ve shared – consumed with all sorts of emotions these days. As a lover of positivity and inspiration, I am also human. I sometimes have those moments that pull on my heartstrings just like anyone else. I do miss my mother immensely. However, I don’t get too caught up in the mindset of the ‘lacking’ or the sadness in my life. I choose to focus on all of the LOVE, Positivity and Light within me and that surrounds me. I have never allowed the grief to take over and render me incapable of creating and maintaining happiness in my life. I know my mom would not want that for me. I know that she wants me to be ME and never dull my shine with sadness.
My light. My Love.
In the midst of chaos, my mom is the laughter behind my smile and the music I dance to Every. Single. Day. She will most certainly be there with us on our wedding day and I can’t wait to share more around this special day in articles to come. I’ve only begun this journey of self-expression in relation to my mom. But, I’m elated to be opening up about this side of me with all of you. The side or shall I say the ESSENCE of ME that is based on my experiences with my mother and the emotions that have allowed me to progress into the woman I am today. And at the center of it all is LOVE- Love never fades.