What do we do when we’re hurt or extremely disappointed?
Sometimes we have a tendency to give in to that knee jerk reaction- to spew the anger (actually rooted in hurt) back to the person who has beaten down our hearts. But, if we take a moment to: STOP. ZOOM OUT. REFOCUS. We may see that this reaction will not change what happened. Nor will it foster positivity or personal growth and it surely won’t allow us to tap into the bigger picture—which is what I choose to remind myself of today and for the rest of my days. So, I’d like share what happened and what woke me up to the fact that I AM LOVE.
The Journey…Inward.
On my way to my usual hiking spot, I realized I had missed my exit on the 5- freeway. The next junction took me to another highway where I couldn’t turn around easily so I decide to see what opportunity is in store for me and keep driving. I remembered there is another hiking spot just off SR-14 and I’d try to find this new destination and check out those trails instead. I thought to myself, DON’T RESIST…EMBRACE. There’s a reason for me missing my usual exit. I found Placerita Canyon and began to explore this new path and its surroundings. Today is a cloudy and chilly day-an amazing change of pace from the 95+ weather we’ve been experiencing this fall season. As I started to climb some steep terrain I began to feel my heart rate rise. Which is good, as I thoroughly needed the exercise since it was over two weeks since my last hike. Today I also needed something else…
Peace & Healing.
Although I just had the most magical wedding weekend and I’m beyond grateful for all of the blessings around me, there were some really hard times that sincerely tugged at my heartstrings. I’ve been feeling the situation weighing me down every day for the past week and I’ve experienced every emotion possible from hurt, anger, disappointment, to despair. I’ve managed to somewhat pick up the pieces with the help of all those around me who love and support me. And, I take back control of my own feelings by choosing to focus on the positive and the excitement of being a newlywed although my heart hurts for these other reasons. So, I needed today. I needed the gift I received.
Gift From Above.
I think about my Mom and Gram and how I so desperately wished they were physically at my wedding, but know they were there in spirit and sent many signs and blessings on that special day. I’d like to backtrack for a minute…back to my original drive to my local hiking trail earlier today. At the very beginning of my car ride, I started thinking about what was weighing me down and thought to my Mom and Gram I need to find peace within and I need a “reset”. I need to heal my heart. Then, the sky opened up for a split second as though it was from a science fiction movie scene- to shine light down amongst the gray darkness. I knew at that moment something special was about to happen.
Opportunity in the Detour.
So, I’m now back on my current hike in Placerita Canyon-for the first time not listening to music. Instead, walking to the beat of the birds chirping, the animals scurrying through the bushes and the distant noise of construction trucks over the canyon- not ideal, but going with it! After feeling the burn in my legs, I decided to sit on a bench and meditate and try to come to terms with what happened around my wedding time that upset me so much. And to fully begin the healing process- right now! I took off my hat and sunglasses to look up to the sky-actually a very similar sky from my drive earlier. There was another break in the clouds. A short window of time where I could feel the sun shine down on my face. I began to think about the pain I endured last week and how I want to heal. And, my ultimate desire to put back the pieces of my heart – to restore and rejuvenate from within.
I focused on my true intentions and then these phrases zoomed in and out:
Heal from within.
I AM LOVE.
Share my love.
Send my love to the person who hurt me, because they really need it.
I’m ok, because I am love.
I give love and I receive love.
I thought about all of the things I wanted to say to this person, but in the end…if I strip away any painful details, constantly feeling misunderstood or the biggest one- expectation/disappointment, it really comes down to one simple word-
LOVE.
I quickly took out my phone to capture the majestic sky I was currently witnessing. At that very moment, all I saw was a split-second break in the clouds and a bright light shining down upon me. That moment alone was so intense and significant. But, it wasn’t until I looked at the photos after my hike that I saw what the camera actually captured unbeknownst to me.
Do you see it?
Can you feel it?
It looks fake, right?
I promise you, this is an unedited photo. It’s amazing how I’m experiencing the same hearts that appeared on my journey leading up to my wedding- as though preparing me to gravitate towards love instead of hurt and disappointment. I felt the love earlier in that moment today and I continue to grasp onto that same feeling moving forward to help me rise up past the hurt, to mend my heart. I know that a negative reaction is not the answer. So, if I silence out the surrounding noise that’s rooted in negatively or fear, I can have certainty that LOVE is the answer. I wish this person love from a distance so they can heal. Heal the anger that they may be holding onto and in turn projecting out to others. I send this person love and light and won’t allow the negativity to stifle my positive spirit. I wanted to share this extremely personal experience to remind us all that at the HEART of it all- LOVE resides. Please remember that no matter how hurt or angry you may feel, MLK had it right: “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”-Martin Luther King, Jr.
