Monday Morning- 9/11/17

As I wake to view of the famous Toronto CN tower from my hotel room window, I gaze up to the sky and think of her. I think back to 15 years ago. How can it be 15 years already? So much has happened since then without her here. Ah, 15 years ago- back when my heart was shattered into a billion pieces.

Not knowing where I would be all this time later, or who I would become without her, I reflect on who she was to me. And, who she continues to be for me. I think about what’s yet to come here on this earth without her. Every day I think of her. I miss her. I love her…

Her.

On September 11th, 2002, my beautiful mother Suzanne took her last breathe on this earth and crossed over. She was and will always be my guiding light and the driving force behind who I am today.

She is the epitome of LOVE + LIGHT. She continues to relentlessly inspire me to be the best version of myself and to never ever settle.

To never tolerate negativity or self-loathing or self-doubt.

To never stay down when I may have stumbled or have completely fallen.

To get up and rise above!

To never let anything or anyone stand in my way of my true north or happiness.

To always be kind and compassionate.

And above all, to never allow the grief or sadness to take over…TO LOVE AND TO LIVE.

Admiration and Appreciation.

Today I honor and give tremendous gratitude for this courageous woman who fought till the very end- to stay here with me so she could watch me learn and grow in this life. All the while with a huge smile on her face and never once exuding any bitterness or self defeat for herself or situation. This woman would not tolerate- what she referred to as a- “pitty party”.

Now, what she didn’t realize at the time was that just because she lost the fight here in our physical world, did not mean her heart would become untethered to mine.

She was and will forever be my “mama pajama”.

New Beginnings.

On what would have been her 66th birthday, 10/22/17- I will be walking down the aisle on my very own wedding day. She will be with us on this special day as she is with me every day.

However, I will miss her laugh, her smile, her kind eyes, and her voice. But, I will indeed find comfort in the silence.

I will find comfort in the sounds of nature and in our beautiful surroundings on that day- amongst the rose and herb gardens where we will stand before God, the Universe, our Angels above and all of our family and friends as we exchange our vows.

If I listen close enough, I will hear her through the trees.

I will feel her through the gentle fall breeze.

And, I will see her as I look up to the whitest clouds juxtaposed against the bluest of skies.

As the birds glide by, I will hear her sing.

You see, she will be there as she is literally a part of my heart and soul.

I am her daughter.

Mom, I’ll see you on 10/22.

xoxo