As you know, I am all about CHANGE. However, you cannot change someone’s thoughts or behavior…you can only change the way YOU react or respond. I have been through this situation countless times and often wondered why does the same experience seem to arise over and over again. In the past, I wanted to change the other person- take control over the situation or perhaps “make them” see things the way I do. Keep in mind, I was coming from a good place, but I really wanted the situation to come to a resolution and I thought my only option was to change the other person’s opinion- wow, was I way off!
You may relate to this, and perhaps this is a control aspect related to our personalities (although, with good intentions nonetheless). I realized a few years ago and finally had that “AHA” moment, wait—something else needs to change here. When this situation presented itself for the 200th time, instead of wondering why or how can I change the situation with the person involved, I decided to take a break… to step away in my mind. Zoom Out. To truly take responsibility for my own thoughts and my reactions.
Yes, reactions are key here! I realized, the only way this outcome will ever change is if I start doing something different. I am the common factor in every reaction/exchange in this world. It is ME and it is within me to change! So, I became open to the possibility that it may not be about being right or wrong or even apologizing. It’s really about taking a pause, and zooming out to reevaluate and change your mindset and perspective for any situation. These exchanges in life happen to give us opportunities to learn and grow and come from a different perspective. Yes, perspective is huge! Let’s face it, some situations are more challenging than others and some people are more challenging than others – these are the wild cards that we cannot control in life. But, it is so reassuring and frankly uplifting to know that we can control one aspect of anything in life and that is OURSELVES.
So, the way I see it, you should always be true to yourself and your convictions, but take a breath, practice patience and compassion. CHANGE your mindset in relation to your reaction and witness the shift in your dynamic with the other person. It may not happen overnight, but if you CHANGE UP what YOU can control (yourself) I assure you things will be different. If for the better— FANTASTIC. And if you realize this person or relationship no longer serves your greater good, say “thank you,” let go and move on. Otherwise, you may stay stuck…in limbo with this person or situation and not able to live authentically (as to not rock the boat). Therefore, keeping you from other areas in your life that need your attention for growth and movement forward.
Change Your Reaction/Change Your Outcome…CHANGE STARTS WITH YOU!